I

n a turn of events that could only be described as 'peak Canadian controversy,' Goldie Ghamari, the Iranian Canadian politician, has taken to the parliamentary stage with a performance that could rival Celine Dion's power ballads in terms of dramatic flair. She's not singing about broken hearts, though; she's singing the blues about the 'pro-Hamas' rallies that have apparently turned the Great White North into a scene straight out of a less-than-peaceful history book.

Ghamari, in a speech that might have been more at home in a Cold War-era archive, has drawn a line as thick as Canadian maple syrup connecting her family's escape from Iran to the current regime in Gaza. It's a bold move, akin to comparing apples to, well, poutine ÔÇô they're both food, but that's where the similarities end.

Now, let's get to the crux of the matter. These rallies, which have sprouted up like mushrooms in a British Columbia forest, are not your average hockey victory parades. No, according to Ghamari, they're the first sign of Canada's descent into radical fundamentalism. Because nothing says 'extremist' like exercising one's democratic right to assemble and calling for peace. It's practically a Canadian pastime, right up there with saying 'sorry' when someone else steps on your foot.

And then there's the public praying ÔÇô oh, the horror! Canadians praying in public is apparently the new barometer for conquest. One can only imagine the terror that strikes the hearts of citizens when someone dares to whisper a mention of 'God' ┬áwithin earshot of the innocent public. Next thing you know, they'll be holding yoga sessions in the park, and then it's just a slippery slope to full-on peace and love.

But let's not stray too far from Ghamari's impassioned plea. She's standing up for a Canada that doesn't feel 'uncomfortable' with the idea of calling for a ceasefire. Because, clearly, advocating for an end to violence is the first step towards anarchy. It's a well-known fact that true Canadians prefer their protests like their weather: cold, polite, and with a zero percent chance of affecting change.

In her heartfelt outcry, Ghamari reminds us that this is not the Canada her parents emigrated to. Indeed, they must have missed the memo that Canada's national identity is now defined by a staunch resistance to public displays of dissent and spirituality.

So, let's all put on our toques, pour a cup of Tim Hortons, and reflect on the Canada we know. A Canada where calling for peace is a radical act, and praying in public is a revolutionary statement. Because if there's anything more Canadian than a moose in a Mountie uniform, it's the gentle rustling of a maple leaf as it falls to the ground, undisturbed by the sounds of protest or prayer.

It's not every day you see a publisher swap the pen for the peace pipe, but here we are, extending an olive branch inked in the spirit of true Canadian 'niceness.' Our letter, which is less of a 'gotcha' and more of a 'get it, eh?', aims to untangle the great Canadian confusion stirred up by Ghamari's recent comments.

In a cheeky editorial move that's rarer than spotting a wild Sasquatch at a Tim Hortons, we at SetUnit have taken it upon ourselves to draft a little 'Dear Goldie' note. Think of it as a friendly nudge with a hockey stick, or a syrupy intervention poured over the pancake of public discourse. It's not every day you see a publisher swap the pen for the peace pipe, but here we are, extending an olive branch inked in the spirit of true Canadian 'niceness.' Our letter, which is less of a 'gotcha' and more of a 'get it?', aims to untangle the great Canadian confusion stirred up by Ghamari's recent comments. So, lace up your skates, dear readers, and join us on this puck-sliding journey across the editorial ice as we aim for the goal of clarity and understanding.

ÔÇŹ

Posted 
Nov 7, 2023
 in 
World Affairs
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