I

n a plot twist that could rival the best of soap operas, Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi, fresh from his diplomatic tour de force at the Organisation of Islamic Cooperation (OIC) and the Arab League's emergency summit, unveiled a groundbreaking solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict: a democratic vote! Speaking in Tehran, Raisi, channeling his inner game show host, suggested the conflict could be resolved through a good old-fashioned ballot box showdown, involving all Palestinians. Critics were left wondering if Raisi had momentarily forgotten about the 'democratic deficit' back in Iran.

Raisi's comments, which might have caused a few spit-takes among the reporters from the Tasnim News Agency, underscored his take on the summit's significance. "It's the main issue of todayÔÇÖs world," he declared, perhaps implying that other trivial matters like global warming or economic crises were just background noise. Since the Islamic Revolution, Iran's stance on Palestinian rights has been as predictable as a sitcom laugh track, with the Zionist regime cast as the unwanted neighbor constantly barging in.

While other nations at the summit were busy playing footsie with the idea of a two-state solution, Iran stood out like a cat at a dog show. Raisi outlined Iran's democratic solution, which, in a stunning display of irony, seemed to overlook the less-than-democratic vibes back home in Iran.

In an unexpected twist of geopolitical finger-pointing, Iran identified the United States as the 'big bad' behind the conflict, akin to blaming the school bully for every scuffle in the playground. In Raisi's narrative, the U.S. is to the Zionist regime what a helicopter parent is to a misbehaving child - always there and part of the problem.

Not stopping at just grandiose ideas, Raisi also rolled out a ten-point plan, which reads like a wish list written by a particularly ambitious Miss Universe contestant. It includes rebranding the Israeli military as a terrorist organization and sending U.S. and Israeli leaders to the principal's office, aka international court. Plus, there's a plan for an extreme home makeover for Gaza and a humanitarian aid package, which sounds more like an episode of reality TV than realpolitik. And let's not forget the proposal to arm Gaza's residents, because if history has taught us anything, it's that adding more weapons always leads to peace and quiet.

In summary, President Raisi's suggestion for a democratic resolution in Palestine seems like a plot lost in translation, especially when juxtaposed against the backdrop of Iran's own struggles with democratic expression. While the world may raise an eyebrow at this 'do as I say, not as I do' approach, one can't help but be amused by the simplicity and audacity of the 'just vote on it' solution. After all, democracy works for choosing TV talent show winners, so why not for resolving complex geopolitical issues?

Posted 
Nov 13, 2023
 in 
World Affairs
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